Dude someone changed all the contacts in my phone to I Like Eggs
in the event that i am dead, my body is laying in the intersection of ... the pearl in springfield. it was my friend's 21st but i think i'm dead. wearing a black top. like i said, probably dead.
Sad Moment: I only had enough $ at 711 to buy chips or salsa. I chose salsa and took a plastic spoon
you dialed the number "23" then talked to it for three minutes
that sweater is a total boner killer. you might as well be wearing a wedding dress.
He told me he loved me mid lick. Anyone that can look at me from that angle, lick my vagina, and say they love me must absolutely mean it
I should have considered my snorting capabilities before breaking my nose
I woke up on the ground next to a bed of naked men. I'm either a drunken genius or the enemy....
Sorry for rubbing my feet on you and repeating "good pony, stay."
I'm sorry. I just realized our 'big night out' ended up being you driving my high ass to get burritos and back.
Found out I slept with someone who likes Pitbull. I really should get to know someone better before I sleep with them.
Hey I'm sorry for head butting you last night. Personally I thought it was funny at the time, but I can see how from your perspective it may not have been as enjoyable for you... Hope your lip is okay.
I walked into Anna's room this morning and she was like teary eyed, with pizza sauce all over the place
Jus had a dream that I borrowed bob dylans car to save us from a pack of raptors. Pretty stoked about it.
This is bullshit, I shit my pants for the 1st time in 30 years, stuck on the 405, fuck this shit.
Depends
Randomize
