last week i woke up at this guys house...this week i woke up at his ex girlfriends
who the fuck tagged pancake nipples on my profile picture?
im watching shaqs comedy special. this is how i know im not sober.
You must have had one hell of a time explaining to that girl why aladin soundtrack was playing on repeat in your room when you got back
The bong broke. we're having a little funeral followed by an inaugeration service for the new one
the ball fondling will be left out of the trip recanting
It wasn't until like 4 and when we got off the phone you said god was summoning you back into the bar
Oh God! I'm naked from the waist down playing records. Too drunk. I don't even know what to do.
Balls out but with a shirt on. Eating ravioli. I don't know how to deal with this.
I have bruises all over from falling so much last night, I even have bruises on my arms from them picking me up off the street.. Oh vodka nights.
WHY did you say no to the sex seance?
We're you guys there last night when everyone started chanting "Nacho Steph"? Someone picked me up, carried me to the nacho cheese and made me do a nacho cheese stand.
I'm going to give blood tomorrow. Prepare yourself for pictures and a cynical poem about the heart and its level of tangibility.
I was supremely disappointed in the lack of dick and doughnuts in my life last week.
Hey, Would it be ok if me and your wife have a ladies only night and masturbated on FaceTime together?
It was all good until his cat started licking my nipple along with him
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