Bullshit. I know you're watching The Dog Whisperer
That Cesar Milan is captivating
why is it that everyone in pennsylvannia gets fucking prego??
great, thanks for announcing that I gave you head over twitter
at least I said it was good
its like she was born with a silver dick in her mouth
Found her with a stray dog now called champagne, crying about how she feels a mom now. Had to take her home. The dog too.
I could study for finals and ace all my tests but wheres the fun in that? id rather black out and hope for the best
His phone pocket dialed me while he was crapping. He was quietly singing stayin alive and possibly passing his intestines.
My liver was like a college freshman on spring break. It would've danced topless on tables if it could have.
He's rapping about a turtle neck sweater. Please come get me.
I'm really sorry that I blew your friend in your bed, but to be fair he started it.
The fact that he quoted freebird as his breakup speech was a little more classy than expected
who knew my inner goddess was such a whore
So, were you planning on telling me you left your panties in my glovebox??
What conversation warrents "penis" in rainbow comic sans
I’d clean the kitchen before making food. Mark “rang in the New Year” with some rando in there last night
Randomize
