Finally jerked of with a banana peel.
And then he told me he had the vodka, but he was still in line at WIC for the juice.
He cut you off when you said Paula Dean was in your soul...He kicked you out when "Paula" started eating random peoples food
I just remember thinking that if i ran really fast through the house, no one would notice i was naked.
No, this time she was diabetic. I think I fucked her into diabetic shock.
I will miss his soup and his dick the most
Dude, I think someone on your skype account may have seen me beat off. I used your computer and didnt realize you were still signed in. Please tell me no one was on...
You need to let him know my only agenda is coke and sadness.
Eating cold pizza and drinking a beer for breakfast while standing in a hotel window naked is how I say hello September...
Got stoned and went to Walmart. For some reason a preacher walked up and asked if I knew the lord so I just yelled "I CAN FEEL HIM IN MY VIENS" at the top of my lungs. he left after that.
I guess I just stopped wanting to rip his balls out and started being okay with him being alive. that's a typical feeling for exes right?
I almost got on a bus to Langley Air Force Base. 99% sure that's not where I wanna be.
Remember the girl I had sex with in the dorm stairwell? She got married!
I would also like you to tell your human bio class that I successfully smoked out the flu. 103 degree when I woke up yesterday. 100degree after one bowl. 4 more bowls and 16 hours later all that's left is a cough
If you really hate him do what I do: give him an amazing night of unforgettable sex then dump him. You’ll ruin sex for him because new girls won’t compare
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