naighbors jacking off again. i swear its his friday night ritual, its like he knows the night wont be ending in his favor
I've officially moved beyond college drinking. I just got business drunk at an internship seminar.
only 75% of american men are circumcised...i guess this was bound to happen to me someday.
Ia nefed hefelkp i am a taxi
My family just legit passed around a fifth of Maker's Mark. Also, this is sort of a Thanksgiving tradition. Also, Maker's Mark is really good.
No i'm not calming down the girl at white castle did not need to see the picture of my dick on your phone.
Ya bro it was wild. Hey, is latex digestible?
Woke up next to a tiki torch spooning a plastic flamingo on a welcome mat i've never seen before with a "happy valentines day" balloon tied to my wrist, oh yeah and "i am a cougar" is written on my chest in sharpee and all the kitchen furniture is upside down...
Like, he's a nice guy. But he's better at fingering than he is at speaking.
And then he said he would build me a mountain dew water fountain
Marry him now.
He came on my pillow pet. That's unacceptable. I hate boys.
I know him enough to fuck him but not enough to give him advice.
I'm getting paid to get fucked up. How much better could this get?
I fucked a French man last night. 5 Times. Ashed my cig in his cactus. That later set on fire while we were having sex.
Found your bra in my backseat. And yes it took me that long to finally clean it out from last weekend
Didn't even know it was missing, if that makes you feel any better
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