I woke with a ring of glitter around my dick.... I kinda don't want to wash it off
dude,it's memorial day.not getting wasted=you're a terrorist
i came on her dog
Just erased 'masturbate' from my mental To-Do list because I've got too much stuff to do. I hate adulthood
I just beer bonged. Soco and spite please get on my levvl my hair is in buns
I hooked up with a 20 year old last night. I feel like a hocus pocus witch that sucked life from a child.
you said you didn't want to carry the pizza box so just folded up the pizza and put it in your pocket
Just realized Ive never seen my f buddy in the daylight. What if he looks different?
This is even better than the wine from my laundry basket
I honestly just wanna put my face in her tits and disappear from this plane of existence
Sexting just isn't as much fun once you learn how bad he is in bed...
come pick your gf up from my house. she's sitting in the fridge and hissing at the cat to let her eat the potatoes. btw i dont have a cat
Do you remember trying to sleep under the pool table while wearing a reflective vest?
Nope.
You kept saying you had to be safe.
You're lucky I just like fucking you because you would really suck at being a boyfriend.
Anyone who does not know who Paul McCartney is does NOT get to put hands in my pants
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