I swear to god Kristen, if this "cute" guy you are trying to hook up with's friend asks me if we can role play, and I play his mother one more time, Im leaving. You have 3 minutes to save me or I am out.
we are driving next to a guy driving and masturbating while looking at a naked magazine. I love LA
Just shaved my vagina. It's been so long I forgot what it looked like. You need to come over right now.
I realized we pick a president more often than I get a blowjob
you spent 5 minutes trying to open an empty PBR and kept saying "don't worry i'll get it i've been working out"
im not sure if this headache is from the car accident or cocaine withdrawl
my mom just asked if she should wash your furry handcuffs with the lights or darks
Well see how he likes it when I randomly start crying and saying my dads name during sex I WILL RUIN ALL HIS FUTURE BONERS
Ran into my neighbor that's always crying. I wonder if she's like; "I ran into my neighbor who's always playing with her vibrator?"
I got propositioned while wearing the bottom half of a horse costume. It's like god is apologizing to me in the strangest of ways.
I want you to know that the guy who peed in your bed got fat.
I'm pathetic. I'm eating cream puffs in the bath and crying a little.
WTF I can't even get a boyfriend here and you're getting nudes from across the country
ps. i have two very important words to sum up my night
which are?
library sex.
You know he wants it bad when he starts going door to door for condoms.
Randomize
