i hate sounding clingy, but i just wanted to verify i wasn't an asshole in your mind
Just got a call from someone claiming to be my son . How do I initiate a conversation. Tell me about the last eighteen years. And by the way who is your mom again?
Dude that musta been some handjob last night. The sound of her pandora bracelet kept waking me up
Apparently blazed enough to think that the sizzling meatballs in the pan were calling your name...Ssssteeeeeve
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I have hooked up with someone in EVERYONE OF MY CLASSES.
That's how you know you deserve to be a senior
We're celebrating his weight gain and arrest.and by we I mean I, and by celebrating I mean getting dangerously drunk
the ladder is at the bottom of the pool
You can't break up with me and ask me for a handjob on the same day. At least not in that order.
Its okay, i dont mind you drinking, im just surrounded by it, there is some random dude laying on your couch with a bucket that ive never seen before
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Seriously? You DON'T remember putting all those Swedish fish in the waffle iron b/c you wanted "One big Swedish fish?" That waffle iron was a wedding gift.
Just saw the guy I slept with last night in a bar. He gave me a high five and kept moving
Never let your siblings swipe right.
I have seen you puke and 5 mins later rock my world. So there is hotness there that average people will never see..
I was told I was gorgeous and a whore by the drag queens. My night is complete.
Do not let Mike show you his naughty Santa Claus outfit. It's a super long beard and crotchless pants.
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