it only takes four glasses of wine for me to ride an elephant with a stranger.
i have essays due online every friday...im just going to write 'im hungover' for every one
well when mom kept referring to my "black hole of a vagina" and how i devoured all the nuts at the party like i was a pro, i figured my stay was up.
I've woken up in some weird places in my lifetime, but never in a tent in my own garage.
Anal and Aoki tickets...I'd say I give pretty good Valentines Day gifts.
and i think wearing the clothes from last night are out of the question...was there mud wrestling there? because i look like a participated..with a cat.
I think I just snorted head and shoulders by mistake.
Why are there jello shots in the kitchen drawer?
When she introduced her friend to me I shook his hand and told him not to leave his ugly vest at my apartment in the morning. He took it off and bought me a shot.
I knew deleting his texts was a bad idea and I was right. I just used the last time we talked to help me figure out when I had my last period
Fuck you. Leave my nipples out of this. THEY DID NOTHING TO YOU
I woke up with a black eye and a buttplug...not sure I really want to know what happened.
I just met a stripper in the light of day who I ate a candy bikini off her body. This is how my weekend is going.
I would be down to associate sex w taco bell
I AM SMARTER THAN EVERY FUCKBOY WHO HAS EVER SWIPED LEFT ON ME
Randomize
