erin looks like she hung out with the sham wow guy last night. she's got the beat up hooker look goin' on
Nicole wore just a belt and her pedometer and hopped on top of me last night. She "walked" 822 steps before we finished.
New charity walk idea!
Contrary to what peaches says, you can't fuck the pain away. Full story later. Have a good morning, buddy.
All I heard was "You have collect call from Lafayette Parish Jail for Dude it was awesome! I'll tell you about it later!"
Okay good. And who the fuck put a condom on my foot. That shit hurt
On the back of that comment, I've formed a theory that as a result of my brainwashing your drunk self actually believes that beards are your calling.
Can we just cry and dive into a couch-sized bag of sadness-chips, dip them in a la-z-boy sized jar of depression salsa while watching a show called 'Forget Your Hopes and Dreams, Just Kill Yourself'?
too bad I'd hit a car before I'd hit a bush.
Are we talking about jumping from windows or your willingness to fuck a car instead of a woman?
My dad just said "fuck circus"
In my dream I had to eat so many peanut butter and Nutella sandwiches
I think after tonight I'm 85% lesbian
I'd call the fact I ended up in my own bed a huge success
He also sent me nipple clamps because romance is NOT dead
Also—I just realized that your wedding gift is still on my dining room table. So...as awful as I am for not yet sending it (and I still need your address), at least I didn’t bring my screaming children to potentially the most important day of your life?
I swear I'm an adult. I say as I send my mom to go find me green lucky charms and lady gaga oreos
Randomize
