I just spit my fake tooth out at a customer. I think he thought it was my bubble gum though so it's ok.
He tagged himself in all of my pictures so he would get a notification if someone commented on it.
Restraining orders are what college is about.
You decided to make a porno with gummy bears and things went downhill from there.
I am getting my wife a tattoo just above her butthole that says, "For entry just add tequila."
Can we please stop calling your vagina the cave of wonders?
How do you feel about fucking me quick and then me leaving to go do arts and crafts?
you're being fucking weird and i don't like it. text me when you're not being the after picture on a poster for rehab
Highlight of my night: you taking that shot of garlic butter and then throwing the empty container down on the stairs and saying FUCK.
I just plagiarized Dr. Curtis Connor's ideology from Spider-man in an essay on genetically engineered embryos. College: academic integrity at its finest.
I thought i didnt really feel whatever i snorted last night until i just realized i think i asked this dude to punch me fight club style
The tequila monkeys have a drum solo in my skull right now. I can't imagine Emily feels better.
I think every girl deserves a pregnancy scare. Because then it just feels like such a priviledge to be bleeding out of the vagina.
I legit just did a jig towards my box of tampons.
So... I sharted on the plane. It was hard to maintain my composure and acted offended at the same time. I hate you for not cutting me off last night.
There's a point in life when you've got to take dick like a big girl.
After this weekend my vagina will follow his penis anywhere. It’s like the pied piper, but with penis
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