jackpot. dress really slutty so he knows you mean business
dude smells like cheese burgers and loose women...... i want his life
I am about to be in my happy place. (the shower with a 6 pack)
Whoever had sex in my bed during the party last night left a glow in the dark condom on my floor. I'm not even mad anymore, I just want to know who it is so they can tell me where to get one.
This flask doesn't match my outfit. I hope the gays don't mind.
Remember the couple Steve and I heard and rated their sex based on the bed squeaks cuz we couldn't sleep through the noise? We got them back. They turned up the radio to drown us out.
Well, most of my extended family doesnt know about my love for the penis, so they dont have a reason to disown me
I found an inside smoking lounge. I'll be here for the next 4 hours. A nice old Canadian lady has befriended me and let me use her lighter. Fuck Hartsfield-Jackson AND this layover. I win.
I'm so busy i barely have time to have sex with myself. I have to talk myself into it like an old married couple.
He pushed a skinny white blonde out of the way just to tell me "you have the finest ass, like ever."
I have never loved a nerdy white boy this much.
There was a huge crash. I came out of my room to find you sprawled out at the bottom of the stairs in your bra and panties. You looked at me, yelled 'WHAT AM I DOING WITH MY LIFE' and then ran back into his room.
We were on a plane, I couldn't just grab his dick
You're the best friend ever. I wouldn't want to do the walk of shame with anyone else.
I think you're overestimating how drunk I was
You said your pillow felt like the ocean...
All I know is I woke up in the back seat of my car, with the engine on, and my gps navigated to florida.
Randomize
