Define "chronic" masturbator.
i said send nudes i get bra and panties. thats not what i fucking asked for.
Walk of shame was bad enough, but farting with each step as I walked past his roommates was just not cosmically fair.
my family just sang happy birthday to baby jesus. no ones even drunk yet
You were in the garage half naked counting your ribs and talking about how you had too many
every time I see Anne Hathaway all I can think is "my cousin fucked a guy who fucked her" and it makes me proud.... so I want to say thank you for being that cousin.
How did our waiter from olive garden end up passed out drunk in my roommate's bed?
All i know if I'm throwing uo into a bag with a smiley facE on it right now and this is not a smileuy face time right nowe
Standards are awful. It's like living in the zombie apocalypse. You can only have sex with certain people
Next time we include dessert condiments into our sex life we can fuck up my sheets. It's only fair.
Scary truckers and hobos. These are the men I attract
I shaved last nite, you should see my cock it looks like a beautiful skyscraper
She apologized again the next day. I said it was pee under the bridge
You've got until 8 and then I'm kicking down your door and pouring a beer down your ass via funnel
I got my gum stuck on his balls.
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