I forgot how ruthlessly advertising works on me when I'm high.
pretend to be my girlfriend and sign me up for tool academy
after last nights cooking expirments i have lost all faith in the fire alarm battery
i can barely draw a stick figure let alone shave a heart into my pubes
She's making tacos & sangria tonight. I'm sure that's how the pilgrims pregamed.
i looked at my phone and realized all i had said to her the entire night was misspelled variations of "NOTHING IS THE SAME" over and over. she eventually stopped replying.
Everything sucks i just wanna cry and smoke a bowl and pet my cat and die. All at the same time
Like lay upon bear skin rugs, drink brandy and reminisce of the yesteryear's before a majestic fire place? Because those are my plans.
I have no idea, but there's a bus parked in front of my house and like 6 texts saying im gonna prove my love. this is either really really awesome or really really bad.
So hungover im counting my own breaths to make sure im not dead. The odds hurt.
I didn't even mind that he came early I just wanted to get eaten out and cuddle
Already doing pt exercises by picking my margarita up off the night stand. Fuck yeah.
All I know is I woke up in the back seat of my car, with the engine on, and my gps navigated to florida.
God, I missed his penis.
I woke up and there was a tiny sombrero on my penis. Care to explain?
Randomize
