It's not a real calculator it's a math calculator
And "sexual slave/chef" was as it turns out not a real career choice...
I can't remember if the bartender cut you off after you broke your glass or after you wished the bar a happy winter solstice during your karaoke number.
And she was like "I wanted you all for myself, to love you, and treat you like gold."... See this is why I shouldn't fuck Italian chicks...
I find it worrying that she bit me in bed. Then proceeded to write her name in bite marks. All without ever losing the rhythm of our fucking.
She asked if I wanted to "Mormon Motorboat" her, which I guess is just motor-boating her through her cloths. Turns out I did.
The highlight was when a stranger was nose to nose with you threatening to kick ur ass, and you said "Is that your real face? Stopped him dead.
He called my vagina "the man cave", and I found it charming
It has now been 10 days since we last saw Sebastians penis
I just learned in class that female whales slap their fins against the water and then ten males come and fight for her yet we can't get guys to text us back
He was really cute! And I know but it's just like getting my fix ya know? He's basically a human vibrator.
I was so high I just stared at the papa john's app on my phone and cried
All I want to do is lay in my bed and eat hotdogs
Did I literally just offer a blowjob for help moving? Yes. Yes, I did.
um care to explain the stolen chinchila under greg's bed..i'd be fine with it if it wasnt chewing up the stash
Randomize
