Goddamn it, are you fucking her sister?
did you know it's going to storm tonight?
You bitch. At least tell Laura she's a better kisser.
I kinda knew it wasnt going to pan out when he would rather watch how i met your mother ON TIVO than fuck me......
wait can you just look around please? that was my favorite bra and i've already asked like 3 other guys
I just want you to know that were having pizza delivered to the emergency room
where are you?
Hypothermia
Do you want the something i can tell my mom in ten year version or the you're gonna call me a whore but be proud version?
I jerked him off and then punched him in the face for no reason. Typical evening drinking Sailor Jerry's.
A kind stripper put a blanket over me last night
How did you get a free t-shirt at the strip club?
I was attacked by whores
You threw up on yourself again didn't you?
They were strong whores
... why is there a bottle of pee on my headboard?
he just sat there, in the doorway of my dorm room, chuggin a fifth like nobodys buisness.. don't know whether to fuck him or be afraid of his confidence
His water bottle is sitting on my coffee table like a monolith dedicated to the things he is not doing to my vagina.
So he drunk messaged me last night telling me he wants a baby. Think I should call his bluff?
ALSO I MAYBE ACCIDENTALLY HAND CUFFED MYSELF TO A CHAIR
You turned down sex for fried cheese??
My penis and doctor won't be happy with me, but come on. Fried cheese!
Randomize
