Maryland truck stops are full of people with killer mustaches
so when we were booking the hotel and plane tickets for vegas we reserved a chapel for someone, it's inevitable.
I made $300 today by selling pizza @ $4 a slice to nerds who refuse to leave the library. God I love finals time
Yeah getting kicked out of the bar at 1 pm really set the tone for the day.
He passed out. Woke up long enough to declare himself "the sauce boss" and then bit me in the face.
Why doesn't the washer have a puke setting?
this is getting really bad. i thought the chandelier in the dining room was one of those claws from the claw games in an arcade and i spent the past five minutes jumping left to right so the claw wouldn't grab me
So somebody asked her is she's okay.She turned around,started running and screamed "Ballet is running through my veins" before doing a small pirouette.It's amazing how she managed not to fall.
Well its official, I'm into significantly freakier sex than even I thought possible.
She moaned the name on my fake id during sex, that or she's cheating on me with someone named Victor
And the sexual frustration is like I'm wearing a damn horcrux
It was a tough decision either lay in bed or go to work and lay in the stockroom
It's not a walk of shame if you run
i was so high when i left this morning that rather than make sandwiches i threw bread and peanut butter in my backpack. a whole loaf. and a whole jar
It goes to show, Sane person, daddy doms, little girls, all of us may seem different but deep inside we all grow wisdom teeth
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