I'm starting a business if you want to get involved
oh boy
Its called Cut N Tugs, haircuts with happy endings
omg i finished an entire carton of double double chunk chunk ice cream last night...
what? what exactly is in double double chunk chunk?
self-loathing.
i was taking the test and had to adjust my boner and my teacher thought i was cheating or something
so literally, as soon as i tripped and fell and hit the floor the earthquake started. hows THAT for a self esteem boost?
You missed a lot. I drank contact solution thinking it was water, vodka thinking it was water and some unidentified substance that reminded me of pine sol thinking it was water..
are we at that level where i can tell you your girlfriends tits looked really good yet?
thanks for being my moral compass. and thanks for not always pointing north so i can be slutty and not feel bad about it.
How did "just two beers for happy hour" turn into naked backyard wrestling?
I convinced a shit ton of people I was a russian foreign exchange student to get free drinks. I knew learning those accents would come in handy.
Dude Carly, it's like, inconvinent how often you cause me to have an erection
Can you please explain to me why there are 7 bags of tacos in my bed?
I'm going to start charging you rent if you keep leaving your random conquests on my living room couch the morning after
He went to cum on my stomach and somehow it got behind my ear. He's like a fucking jizz Houdini.
I was "singing along to the Lego Movie" high. Everything was not awesome
I'm like, not good at living.
Randomize
