Today let's steal peoples pets out of their backyards and leave ransom notes
You gave him head? He fingered you? A little bit of make out?
WHAT THE FUCK ITS LIKE YOU WERE THERE
please hurry. your mom just evil laughed to herself in the kitchen like she's plotting my death.
We've had the 'life would be so much better if we were both lesbians' conversation too much for that to be okay.
He's trying to row the canoe up my front yard like he is Lewis and Clark.
When she talks to me all I hear are 5 generations of inbreeding speaking.
He did not want a thank you for helping me move in bj. I don't know how to thank him now.
Hey. Hope youre not too hungover. Also, did you put a Christmas tree in my guest bathroom and cover it with condoms?
hooked up with the gay kid & his friend's mom told me "you know he has a identical twin brother whose straight, right?"
Look at all the pictures I have of us sucking on jello syringes.
You know it's time to do the dishes when you take shots of water out of a sake glass...
And you wonder why you're always one of the guys?
reason #1 why i should never live alone: i haven't put pants on since she left 26 hours ago. and ive made spaghetti 3 times.
I just want to sing to him and rub baby oil on his head
I think drunk me is trying to kill me.
enjoying your night?
do dogs like to salsa?
I dont know if that answers my question or not
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