some dude just recognized me causeg he had a pic of us making out onvhis phone
sometimes in life you just needs hand puppets
you want my honest opinion? I'm sure refering to her vagina as the "bat cave" was your first mistake.
Today I made a list of everyone I have had sex with...there is more than double my age...
what if his mom answers? its like high school, but hes 30
The bridesmaid just threw up on herself. This is going to be the best wedding ever
I'll make a Jello mold of your face so everyone can get drunk off your face
I like the odds of his and my children being professional athletes too. To support me in my old age, see I do think about the future.
This should be a warning to men everywhere: do not send pictures of your erect penis to women you hardly know - they will add cats and send them to all of their friends.
I fell down the stairs while taking the dog out last night. I was laying there with the dog licking me face and my neighbor just stepped over me
Brett got me a cake with a pic of me shitting
Just go read my twitter... There's a play by play. It starts with a penis pump
I ACCIDENTALLY SUPER LIKED HIM. I JUST DELETED TINDER FROM MY PHONE.
Whats a polite way to say 'if you havent put on a freshman 15 i would like to see you during break'?
Just fell out of the attic onto the garage floor. Okay but might go for an x ray. Smashed one of the kitchen drawers to bits.
Holy Shit Mom
Randomize
