why do i have 22 missed calls from someone who is literally saved in my phone as bumrape star??
I'm so excited for this wedding, I feel like a school girl about to get finger launched on the dance floor at the sadie hawkins dance
his status popped up and said 'probably going to jail.' it took everything i had not to press the like button
I fucked her to her "thinking of him" playlist. Sucks to be that guy haha
I've never had a woman show me her venereal disease results in a bar before.
we woke up to him feeding us cheetos at 3am. and by feeding i mean shoving them in our mouths and saying "i mean who doesn't like cheetos"
I've decided I'm either going to ease him into this breakup by having a threesome with him and the girl I'm leaving him for, or be brutal and fuck his room mate. it depends how nice he is tonight.
Mass texted booty calls to all the guys I've hooked up with this year to commemorate the end of the semester.
Whenever there is a ShotSki involved, I have no excuse but to drink, right? It's like a rule.
So Monday we're lesbians.
Deal. This decision is final and any rebates on this will result in losing an eyeball.
Visiting Houston was a good decision for my penis.
When I was drunk texting him about three ways he seemed more interested in just seeing me. And that's when I knew something was wrong with him
So high, just applauded for a magic trick on Hulu.
I'm drinking on a Thursday because I can
Today is Wednesday you jobless drunk
Like, I just want a guy who will drop what he's doing to come touch my vagina whenever I want and to leave me the hell alone whenever I want. Is that SO MUCH TO ASK??
Randomize
