If you did the rosary as much as you masturbated, you would be the pope
just smoked a bowl with my history teacher. i love community college
Actions speak louder than pants.
He went down on me and then slapped my ass saying "thanks for the confidence boost"... is this all I'm good for?
dude. we need more in our fridge then just beer and applesauce.
Sometimes I wonder why I hang out with you. And then you show up half naked at my door with a half gal of vodka, and I remember why.
Rode my bike to work still drunk. Almost threw up on a camper while getting him out of his parents car.
Did you leave your blow razor here? I need it for crafts.
I don't like getting sloppy drunk but I don't like getting just half drunk either, I'm way too responsible if my blood alcohol level is below 0.2
Some people say 6pm is too early to get drunk. To them I say this dinner is delicious.
Plus i lost a button on my shirt and we got free drinks all night. Sorry I'm not sorry.
I just realized how terrible that was... I was drumming on your penis to a song about Baby Jesus.
I got her number but I don't think I'll be able to smash, I was pretending to be British AND I forgot her name
You said if the geese can walk on the lake so can I.
All of a sudden he got that look on his face and ran to the dance floor and started fist pumping to Rihanna that kind of night
Randomize
