Dude, I found out the hard way that she wipes back to front. I ate her out and had to throw up.
Neighbors just bought a new bong. Got high with them and we decided to name it "Gary colemans sweet sugarlumps" these guys are hilarious
I think he just gave me the 'I used to fuck your sister' discount
btw he is cheating on one twin with the other. the main woman in his life has a mullet. I defiantly have either the coolest or weirdest uncle ever
She just rubbed her face all over pool chalk. I feel like it's time to go
shes on the ground doing bicycle kicks screaming "is my ass good enough for you now satan" send help
Do you think next time you could control the yawn? Kind of a buzzkill to be mid-orgasm and see you yawning over there.
CALL 911 HAND IS STUCK IN THE GARBAGE DISPOSAL. HELP
Do we still have any pizza left from last night?
I went with plan f. get drunk and start a fire in my yard
I just wanna be able to fart and do my homework but he won't leave
Today I had sex and flossed at the same time. My relationship goals have been exceeded.
He hand fed me trail mix then I watched the video of me the next morning. He was actually feeding me meow mix.....that drunk. I still have no regrets marrying him
I don't trust my subconscious. It sleeps with my exboyfriend sometimes.
Lost and found: pink cotton underwear next to my bed and soaking wet Reebok socks or boxers in a plastic bag...in my fridge🤔
the fact that your 21st birthday is also new years eve is pretty much a death sentence
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