if i get an abortion, then will you go out with me?
In retrospect, it was a terrible idea, going down on her with these ulcers in my mouth.
The bubbles in my bathtub are singing to me in german....
Nothing says happy baby shower like showing up still kinda drunk from last night with an open tall boy in one hand and fries in the other.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I think I actually have rug burn on my eye.
50 year old business women like dick too. Come on she said you looked like Ricky Martin.
Just a heads up, i'm sleeping in te back seat of your car so don't be freaked out when you see me in the A.M.
The goal for tonight is vagina. In and around. Doesn't matter who. How. Or why.
I just closed two deals on my laptop from my bathroom while smoking a bowl, like a bawssss. Working from home is my favorite.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My motherfucking vibrator ran out of batteries right when I was about to orgasm. It's like he's possessed everything sexual in my life and has compelled it to NOT SATISFY ME.
I know. I feel like I should be doing mature responsible adult things though. Like getting loans, working 60 hours every week and not eating burritos in bed, ya know?
75% of my food budget goes to wine, the rest to chips and salsa.
He added me on LinkedIn while I was baking weed brownies in the boxers he left here... Is this adulthood?
IM HUNGOVER AT MOTHERS DAY BRUNCH AND A NUN FROM CHURCH JOINED US
She dropped the call after she told me she doesn't want to hear about how loud he can scream.
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