Vomit. Vomit. Whatever. You wear a tiara in public.
I'm a simple man, with a social life most psychopaths would cringe at
I just pulled the condom that i lost on tues out of me at work ewwww!
Clearly he doesn't understand my need to be surrounded by cats at all times
Sometimes I seriously wonder if I could get away with vodka Sundays at work. Cuz this red bull feels naked.
And your cousins porn shouldn't have been the first straight porn you watched. And for that I am sorry
Im invoking the "no judgements" clause of our friendship.
My god, what have you done?
If I ever look like I'm about to have a repeat of last night, hit me. Just smack me as hard as you can.
So for St Paddys day I colored my junk green and got a little hat for him....wanna see it before I sober up....
As much as I trust your struggle imma deal with being Eskimo brothers with my own sister before I get to that
Dude, you stalking his LINKEDIN profile will NOT affect your chances with him. We aren't 40...
apparently I got pissed off that no one would let me spray them with a bottle of champagne at midnight of the new year. so I sprayed myself with one shirtless in the near freezing cold outside
We're about to get drunk and it feels wrong without you
She won't let me meet her hot new boy toy just because she thinks it'll lead to us having a threesome. It's not fair. I thought we were friends...
Looks like the opera singer hook up is paying off. Ran into the MILF from 407 and she said “your lady friend sounded like a very lucky girl.”
Randomize
