Can't imagine what could be worse than pet-naming your penis, but I'll let it go.
Someone just asked me to go to the dining hall for dinner and he will use one of his swipes to pay for my meal. i think this is a college version of a date
You said that we had to leave the party together and proceeded to repeat the "ducks fly together" speech from The Mighty Ducks word for word. Soon the whole party was quite and started chanting quack..quack...quack..
What happened on tuesday that a stripper knows my full name?
And as far as being fat goes I just did like 20 minutes of p90x and now i'm eating frosting out of the container....
I need to stop having one night stands with guys in my building so I can have someone to borrow milk from without it being awkward
I think I have internal bruising from those poses we were doing last night. My own ribs hurt me. I don't understand.
Know what's awesome? Flying a mini helicopter while you shit.
I can't turn my head to the left, I'm pissing out of my ass, and my finger went through the toilet paper today... I need you.
I feel like calling off tonight. Is a strong desire for masturbation a valid reason?
This is what my life has come to. Drinking champagne alone yelling at the dog because no one wants to hang out with me
We have your weave and dirt in our room.
all a girl really needs is a few good pair of leggings and a drug dealer that delivers.
She called to tell me she just hooked up with my crush...and that he talked about me...not sure if I should be pissed or excited?
oh and i figured out why we kept smelling vomit. ive got vomit on my socks. putting the heater on my feet was not the best of ideas.
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