Do you think Capital One would let me put the Tub Girl picture on my Capital One card?
Beat you to it.
it felt great physically, but AWFUL morally.
My mom asked me if I was being satisfied, sexually. And then discussed positioning.
You drunk dialed me talking about the stages of mitosis. There is no way you didn't ace your bio final
we marched down beaver avenue with lit tiki torches humming the olympics opening song.
Gin and redbull in a wine glass. They think I'm keeping my wits with a really yellow Chardonnay. Gonna get ugly after a couple.
It's a good cause. For your vagina.
I need a "closed for the season, thanks for a great summer" sign for my vagina
those kids just got delivered to the party by the pizza guy
I threw up for like 20 hours. Im gonna be the DD for the next 5 years.
We HAVE another bedroom, it's not like I was gunna chain you into the closet. Often.
When we got home I apparently addressed everyone as 'peasant' since it was my birthday, this followed by me demanding for my "peasants to wash me".
Ever the responsible adult, I just realized that today is the Obamacare deadline, but I'm too high to handle insurance now.
I woke up to some strange woman rubbing peanut butter on my thighs
I'm happy I peed in your laundry basket last night
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