at a bar and heard one girl tell another her tampon string was showing she goes i dont want it in anymore anyways. then proceeds to pull out her tampon in the middle of the bar and leave it on a plate. ewwww
you threw up in the bushes next to the ABC store and kept saying "you're home, blueberry vodka, you're home!"
He noticed there was ketchup on his shirt and took it off. Noticed there were people there and put it back on. Then he saw the ketchup again. He must have taken his shirt on and off about 6 times
Dude, you face planted, there was no "bar fight".
It's safe to say that bucket of tequila night can NEVER HAPPEN AGAIN.
the two person party stopped when i realized that he tried to throw a hammer at my head.
Rachel and his cat watched us 69 last night. I pretended to be embarrassed the next day... But to be honest I like an audience
She asked me to head butt her and after half a bottle of whiskey that seemed reasonable.
Him cheating on his girlfriend resulted in a $1500 hospital bill from repeated blows to his testicles by my ass. They diagnosed his pain as "testicle trauma". Sex karma at it's finest.
do you know how hard it is to bring up the "what do I do if you conk out while we're fucking" conversation while maintaining the dignity of.the narcaleptic girl you just met?
My neck kind of hurts. I think from sleeping on the concrete.
when you wake up naked in a bed with glowsticks, a rolled ankle, a hangover, and a condom; alone. you wonder shit
if you go to jail tonight, call call me. i wanna get out of work
I assure you, it was not a Porn Hub Bee Movie parody.
He told me their parents think of me as the "drunk friend"...oddly enough, I'm ok with that
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