I sent her a Relationship Request on Facebook last night, she accepted and we fucked.. I changed my Relationship Status to Single, I think she'll get the point
still drunk. talking shit to the doc drawing my blood. this has no upside
Tempting. But I already used the alcohol poisoning excuse at work this month. No way he would believe it a second time...
Contents of my pockets this morning: phone, condom, one hoop earring, half a cheeseburger, lighter and a $87 receipt from tacobell. Time for work.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Prepare for tons of dick. I mean dick by the bucket loads. Waterfalls if cock.
All i want to do is drink fuck and cry... you dont have to cater all three its more like the saddest choose your own adventure ever
he just gave me a love letter in polish. he thinks i speak polish. I DONT SPEAK POLISH
I have a cat, a bottle of wine, and a Brazilian man. I need to catch you up on my life
quick, give me some iron man trivia, i'm going to make this girl regret quoting tony stark in her tinder bio
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
we turned the lights off and all you could see were my glow in the dark stars and his penis
I felt like I should've driven him home but I was holding in a fart and just needed him to leave
Puked in the trash can. Took a bite of someone's breadstick and kept dancing and drinking
snapping my married booty call and next thing I know a plan b ad pops up
If I ever say "I'm never drinking again" just hand me a bottle of jack. I'll snap out of it.
Drunk man just fell out of said wheelchair
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