she was talking to me but i could help but stare at the extremely long hairs on her boobs. then she says, "your looking at the hair on my boobs aren't you"
At what number of girls whose last names are stored in your phone book as drinking establishments does it become excessive?
When she can manipulate the direction of her leg hair, you know its time to leave
I'm going as Jenn Sterger if she answered Favre's calls and ended up in a trash can. If I don't get laid tonight I'm going to be pissed
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Now that you're back together are you gonna tell him you set his stuff on fire?
i woke up wearing her shoes. this night isn't going on my highlight reel
LOVE ME LIKE A KANGARO LOVES A POUCH YOU DUMB CUNT
My mom just invited me to come with them on their honeymoon to Mexico this summer. And I got a Bump-It in my stocking.
Pass the awkward sauce please.
I'm drowning in it here
She pulled me up to my feet by my hair. I thought it was you for a second. My drunken angel savior.
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Yeah! Don't let me leave the house without marijuana and a juicer.
My legacy here is being that tiny blonde girl that threw someone down and shouted "Fuck your face, I'm Dee Dee Ramone."
i puked in a jesus candle last night and then denied it... i'd say it was a pretty alright night
i had to flash a cab last night.
did it work?
No. he slowed down but then kept going. story of my life.
If only he'd realize the fondness I have for his genitals.
Grandpa just whipped it out and started pissing on the way to the game stuck in traffic. I saw EVERYTHING. :(
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