then the nurse gave me a bag with my personal belongings: phone, wallet. jacket, keys and a BTB burrito
He violated my cat. I was not impressed.
Tonight was the second time that I've pretended like English was my 2nd language to avoid conversation w a creeper.
Call me old-fashioned, but I don't think the words, "Finger my ass" should find their way into casual conversation.
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If you do wifi you would be helping my penis out & real friends care about their friends penises...
Now you know my pain. Live with it. Own it. Recognize it. Cause its like shitting napalm.
Long story short he broke into a preschool and threw all their cones into a tree.
Just face planted the stairs. Apparently Santa brought an extra step while I was at the bar... Fucking dick
Is cereal technically a soup?
Fuck, I'm high.
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I only had ten dollars. So leave it to Katie to somehow makeout with the bartender, on his shift mind you, and get free drinks.
Good, I would never sleep with your boyfriend , or send you an edible arangment
He told me he was gonna go wash a trailer and somehow I ended up eating vodka fruit with children in a green bean field.
Went to my bottom drawer for my stash , gone just a note says thanks sucker love dad
we can no longer cook chicken in the house. his name is herbert, we are keeping him and can not eat his people in front of him.
Is that strawberry winking at me??
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