you know how i said i wouldn't send that pic message of your lofted bed falling from you fucking a fat chick? that was after i sent it to your mom
Every now and then I'll talk to a creeper for an extended amount of time. Randy, for instance, funded our entire night of horrible decisions.
Don't judge me. It was less weird than it sounds when we were in the moment and it was his birthday
I just got home. Seriously all I remember is taking out my contacts and putting your balls in my mouth.
I think she's a little more wasted than usual. She just crawled on the floor to tell mom it was time to take a shot.
I'm not sure that our 12-years-ago-high-school-"relationship," and 179 texts in the last 4 hours is gonna be enough to squeeze a naked smartphone picture of me. I'm gonna need some chicken wings or Makers Mark before that starts happening.
When Pony by ginuwine plays I pretty much just grind on the nearest penis.
Drunk texting is the poetry of my life
What if there is no right person? Maybe it's just the right cat. Or the right 12 cats.
The highlight was when a stranger was nose to nose with you threatening to kick ur ass, and you said "Is that your real face? Stopped him dead.
This dude has batman tighty whities on over his cargo pants and he has the nerve to yell "fuck you bitch" up at my window.
He said I could stop sending ass pics now and just say hello. I'm not sure if that means he's no longer interested, or that he's a gentleman??
Tempting guys with beer and cheese. How Midwestern are we?
Can you repeat that, but with context?
Are you opposed to me trying out your penis?
Randomize
