I'm not saying he's gay. Just that he prob knows what a dick tastes like
So I was gonna stay in tonight but the president got me motivated! I will not quit. Bars here I come.
You act like this is the first time i've fingered two 17 year olds at the same time
Apparently everytime he put me down to bed I escaped out the window, I faintly recall climbing into the canoe in the back yard, and air paddling.
my wrists were so small for the handcuffs, i could slip them off and hand the tow truck driver my keys....
He just walked into my room in a robe with a cooking pot of cereal.
Just a heads up, the coffee pot is filled with Jager.
if I die on the way please explain to my mother that I do not wear fishnets on a regular basis
Some guy dressed like Santa just handed me a bottle of tequila. I NEVER WANT TO LEAVE CANCUN
When did it become appropriate to call your mother the morning after? While still naked in bed? WHEN?!
I'm recreating the you're a wizard harry video with a guy on snapchat whilst having snapchat sex with another... Adulting is fun
The batteries in my vibrator died before I could finish. Which is a lot like my sex life lately......
I fucked your neighbor. Welcome to the new apartment!
Woke up with a bed full of sand...care to explain?
Isnt is self explanatory?
Whats a little breast milk between friends?
Randomize
