Going to spend my cab money on more shots and just take the ambulance home
HOW IN THE HELL DID YOU BLOW A .24?????
We were watching I'm a celebrity get me out of here and taking shots every time heidi said HALLELUJAH, and started spraying her hair with that stupid dry shampoo shit....and we only watched the last half hour.
Why does lindsey know I was naked in the kitchen?
I just saw that your im name has '4eva' in it. Your man card has been revoked.
he has 3 profile pictures up and all of them are him riding jet skis
i just jacked off to lindsey vonn, i feel so patriotic
USA! USA! USA!
Have you ever tried running while drinking 151?
Finally considering to keep my landing strip before I have sex.. I feel like It makes me look mature.
Girl on the bus just slammed her book shut, turned to me and said "I'm way to fucking high to be studying"
Russian roulette. Between salvia and weed. You in?
FUCK YOU MAN
possibly one of my favorite moments was wiping it off your nose after you high fived a bouncer
After getting all 4 of my wisdom teeth removed I asked my dentist how much better would I be at head
She was calling him Bob Saget and asking him to buy her shots....how do you think the night went?
A sultry night of tacos and sex sounds nice. Should I bring home milk?
People don't believe me when I say the bruises are from work. They just smile and say "right." Trust me, I WISH my sex life was that exciting.
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