My family just had an in depth argument about the meaning of chodes
What would you say if someone told you they liked your lips?
Which ones?
don't worry. When rigor sets in, we'll make sure to get you laid one last time.
How many times can you lose to your mom in beer pong before you can no longer show your face around campus?
you asked "if this appropriate to take the the bathroom?" while holding up a bottle of vodka when you went to pee.
you blew your rape whistle in his face every time he got near a girl till he left the party...
i just woke up reverse cowgirl on my couch. fully clothed. my laptop is on the floor sideways. blasting gay porn and lady gaga. pizza crust everywhere. goodmorning.
doing a walk of shame covered in blue food coloring is only embarrassing if you make it embarrassing...actually no its embarrassing on all accounts
Great way to live...just blowing loads on upholstery
Will the fact that I have 4 boob hickies add to or take away from tonight's outfit?
Her dog trainer Fuck buddy is over here again. She sounds like a squeaky toy and he talks to her like he talks to the dog. I CAN HEAR EVERYTHING!!!
Sorry about waking up naked in your bed this morning.
No piss test, hell yeah
FALSE ALARM. PISS TEST. I NEED YOUR PISS.
That last one reminds me of the time we smoked that foot-long joint and by the time we'd finished we were so stoned we applauded it.
You wear a dinosaur suit one time and everyone thinks you're a furry. Fucking hell, man.
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