I hope you have a really shitty weekend. I love you.
Please stop trying to convince people that you're retarded and I suck your dick in the same conversation.
I just realized I'm gonna get paid at midnight on New Years Eve. That could be dangerous.
Just tried to tap morse code on the wall seperating our beds to tell you I was awake and ready to smoke
when i came out to my mom, it was over brunch. i was eating a banana. not exactly my smartest breakfast choice.
Nicee. Atleast your phone doesn't change pen in to PENISsSSSSSSS like mine does
That's fun. I just masturbated and I swear my vagina creaked.
Before you even think your day was worse than mine, I had to disinfect and and stitch another dude's penis after his prince Albert got ripped out by an angry chick.
My phone autocorrected your name to "grownup." that couldn't be more inaccurate. I'm getting a new phone.
I ate icecream cake off your tits for my birthday, if that's not love I don't know what is.
I just got hit with cramps and found a mystery pill. I'm gonna stay put for an hour and at least see what happens.
She helped me out of the car and i face planted into the snow.....and just stayed there and took like a 30 min nap.
I'm not the type to go to a guys house...in your case his boat...and sleep with them..I mean I have in the past but I'm trying to be more serious and grown up
Do I have to cook for the potluck? Can I just bring a costco size bottle of Vodka?
Upon further investigation my nipples are bruised and I have teeth marks all over.
Randomize
