Well apparently he's into motor boating.
I hooked up with a Michael Jackson impersonator last night. Too soon?
billy ray cyrus is narrating a show on the history channel. my iq cant decide whether to go up or down.
Kind of a slow process. Played 9 holes with her yesterday. Wish one of them was hers
I woke up, not remembering how or when or why i was even there and looked over to find Steph spooning with an adult black man.
You don't even know the meaning of faking an orgasm until you sleep with an uncircumcised ginger.
Fuck. I just got my nipple tweaked by a plus size drag queen in a purple dress. I feel like I got molested by Grimace.
I remember telling you it was cold out because the sun was going to explode and people were going to fight for corn. I feel I've mislead you.
Found your glasses drenched in ketchup on my driveway this morning
Not drinking has really freed up a lot of my time. I made a bracelet yesterday. I miss bars.
i woke up to you and that girl going out onto the balcony naked
oh sorry man.. we went outside because we DIDN'T want to wake you
Nothing says "I Love you" like my dick in a pizza box
ACTUALLY FUNNIEST MOMENT OF THE NIGHT WAS WHEN YOU WERE TALKING TO HIM AND YOU SAID "WHEN YOU MEET ME IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE A LOT ANGRIER." And then he said "WHEN I MEET YOU IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE LESS DRUNK, HOPEFULLY."
Sometimes at I wake up from a dead sleep at 1am and call the bar just to hear the clink of the glasses and the pouring of the beer on tap in the backround
Ah Christ I think I've reached the single life mentality 100%. I just inquired a photographer about a photo shoot with my dog.
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