I'm paying a homeless guy $20 to follow me around bars tonight with a boombox playing the theme to Rocky.
You need to tell your booty call to take some sudafed or something. I swear I thought you were humping Kermit the frog last night
You can't see him, he's in front of the dildo, but Amelia Earhart is blocking your view.
his apartment was in a funeral home, walk of shamed through a visiation in the skankiest outfit i own
And our DD is passed out in the bathtub with the curtain closed. What happened tonight
I'm eating my emotions. I am no longer interested in anybody other than my own hand and vagina.
When he couldn't get it up, he handed me a beer, put his clothes back on, and said "try again tomorrow."
Landen experienced Greenville for the first time last night. He was awaken by 2 cops and 4 EMS guys this morning in the bed of that truck that is for sale at the swashbuckler carwash, said he was trying to walk to waffle house... Greenville- 1, Landen- 0
This couch is so comfortable I can tell if it's like a waterbed or I pissed myself
I dunno I mean I feel like I owe everyone an apology except the two people I punched in the face
My New Years resolution is actually to be MORE petty
Do me a favor and scream dirty things at him in a polite sexy, come hither way
This conversation went from me banging other women's husbands to learning about baked goods. If that isn't personal growth I don't know what is.
we should get together and get drunk.
On a Monday?
don't discriminate against mondays.
I feel like a dancer trapped in the body of a math instructor. Love, Mom
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