These people keep looking at me like I'm the first person to ever eat ribs in a Home Depot.
And PS thanks for calling it my "sexual liberation" and not "slut fest 2010: part deux!"
and then you started talkingabout how you wish birth control was disspensed as a candy necklace
You didn't know it was a gay bar until the 7th guy rejected you. You were crying because you thought it was just a bad night. No more for you.
All I need right now is some mouthwash, dignity, and security camera footage...
Also, as my manager i'm going to put you in charge of making sure i don't drown.
My boss just told me not to come back to work if I decide to drink. Challenge accepted.
Because her vagina is one of those illusive black holes that leads to a parallel universe where he is king and the sea is made of beer! That is why they are together!
I can say with 87% certainty that i received one of the world's five greatest blow jobs since the Coolidge administration on Saturday night.
Then, she put flavored warming oil on my dick and was amazed when something she bought FROM SPENCER'S almost burned my dick off.
3 2 1 whiskey
Godammit I caught my hair on fire taking a bong rip
It got weird the panthers lost and we started throwing wings at one another
I'd give anything to be driving a pirate ship wearing nothing but a coconut bra and a grass skirt eating a pizza and watching dolphins jump in the waves. Dreams ya gotta have dreams
Please stop calling me a pterodactyl during sex. It only happens when you're drunk, but still.
Randomize
