Just brushed my teeth...forgot we used this toothbrush in bed last night.
i'm so high i feel like the people i'm chatting with online can some how see that i'm naked.
i really wish facebook had an app for when you are looking at a chick's photo album, you could just skip to the ones where she and/or her friends are dressed like skanks
Haha o man how much you've grown. From beer bonging wine and wearing cargo shorts to well, beer bonging beer and wearing cargo shorts
The worst part was I wasn't conscious enough to move out of the way, I knew i was being puked on but I couldn't move.
Wanna skype?
Can your lips gently and pleasantly suck on my balls via skype? If not, then no.
Yes I slept with him, he was the only one not wearing a costume. Guys with costumes are just trying to impress you.
I mean, the sex was awesome last weekend, but I didn't even imagine I'd reached ovarian rupture status.
But how will the next generation learn about life choices without a Jersery Shore?
you said something about joining a k-pop band before passing out topless on the trampoline.
I know it's just really hard to give up sex and cigs during a blizzard
They're gonna put "is a hoe" on my medical records
I LinkedIn messaged people about jobs when I was blacked out
A true gentleman never tells. But yes, I did indeed get laid last night
I guess when the asshole said “I really miss you and want to get back together” he actually meant “I’m banging a Hooters girl behind your back.”
I hope she gives him gonorhea
Randomize
