i think i will get a tattoo on my butt that says "im not bluffin with my muffin", but i guess if i was serious, i would get it above my c-section scar
I don't think its a good idea if I moon a whole bar again
Went to use to bathroom and walked in on karaoke. Two girls singing "a whole new world" to each other in the shower. I'm gonna miss this place in the summer
Eating Doritos is not nearly as enjoyable when I'm not drunkenly feeding them to peacocks.
last day of my family cruise we all got trashed and had an award ceremony. I got the award for hooking up with a cougar. my grandma hugged me and said im living up to the legacy. this is why my familys better than yours
Is there a reason why the cops knew her name as they were chasing her?
No, the weekend was great. It was the waking up in the pond in the raft without an oar that sucked. That fucking water is cold at 7am.
Stories of my weekends have cause divorces, are you sure you wanna hang out?
according to the video, you won you first drunken karaoke contest based off of your actual singing abilities and not because you took your shirt! I've never been prouder :)
life lesson #151: dont let people go batshit crazy and stab you in the knee
i will live by this rule
I danced with this guy last night, I left like I was humped by a blind baby kangaroo trying to body-box.
THIS IS NOT A DECISION I MADE AT ONE IN THE MORNING IM JUST GETTING AROUND TO TELLING YOU ABOUT IT NOW
I was looking for a pen and I stumbled upon my mom's vibrator. On a related note, yes I will be going out tonight.
I'm to the point where I just want to get back at him in a hot man sex tornado way.
She can be as judgemental as she wants. But she thinks the female orgasm is a myth so who is really winning here...
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