My astrological sign? Vagitarius.
Apparently I think casual Friday means I can show up unshaven in yesterday's clothes and reeking of booze.
No, we're smoking outside. We're hot boxing the world.
she was most def 27.5% uglier than a troll, but the sex was great
I still have your handprint on my ass. You're not allowed to ignore me yet.
every time i wear that dress i get kicked out of a bar.
I just realized I'm trading you a pregnancy test for the morning after pill...
It's been a bad semester.
Standing in my kitchen eating choc chip cookie batter from the bowl. As sad as it is, I kinda like the places bad breakups take me.
Can't. Busy recovering from the worst pulled muscle of my life that I got either from excessively acrobatic boning or carrying a huge fucking ice luge down the street while wearing 4 inch heels
All I know is you walked out of the kitchen in some kind of French onion dip bra and started passing out individual chips to guys saying " do you dip?"
Im fairly sure two chicks roofied me last night. Suckers. I love free drugs.
It was all fun and games until she said "you're so pretty I wanna punch you in the face" and the proceeded to punch her in the face
Welp, I've officially cried in every Chipotle bathroom in the city. Correlation or causation?
you never un-have a 4some
He waved at a guy who drove by while we were having sex in the back of a rental car in a hospital parking garage prior to visiting family. Almost made me feel guilty but I liked it too much.
Randomize
