i cant believe u jumped in someones trunk just to get out of talking to me
I wish they made sweatshirts for legs
you mean pants?
a hangover this bad deserves a feeding tube
i slept with her, drove her to her sisters house to babysit, and then drove around the block where i met her sister and had sex with her in my van. I'm family Friendly!
while you were getting the key to the dorm from the lobby i was giving a drunk monolog to the security camera about my life
It's not prostitution until you're out of college. Right now it's just strategic boning.
we were running to make last call and you stopped me and said very seriously "if i fall, go on without me. just make sure theres a beer in my hand when you go"
Going through my bras is like traveling back in time through my past hookups and relationships....
I'm not even pretending to study anymore. I'm straight up sleeping in the library
I'm starting to think that birthday sex is just an urban legend. Like the boogey man, and woman orgasms.
A warmed up burrito and jelly beans. The breakfast of champions.
We started a fund for a baby in a wine glass, I think we're pretty responsible.
I just put on underwear fresh outta the dryer and it's like tiny Angels are giving them warm supportive hugs all over
It's only just- an eye for an eye, a tooth for a tooth, a nude for a nude
She's high and screaming MEREDITH IS A WHORE
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