the best part about being a teacher is there are always 20 little kids around me to blame my farts on
i have no concept of time, i feel my nose, and im seeing everything in bitty hexagons.
I'm always impressed by your drunken ability to quickly gauge how long it's been since you've shaved and whether or not your prospective hook up will care.
But why is there no point in liking him? Does he have herpes? Is he married? Is he gay? Did he get his penis chopped off in a freak accident? If the answer is no to all of the above, then he is fair game
the whole story woulnd't be so depressing if i had made out with ANYONE but the piano player.
Sorry about that whole "setting your deck on fire" thing.
Question: should I be considering heels or is this the kind of night where I should plan on falling on my face regardless of my choice of footwear?
Opening beer with my teeth is getting easier the drunker I become.
It turns out my teeth are bleeding.
I have a present for you
Like a legit gift, not just me showing up and getting naked
Hooking up with him was lovely.. but waking up in his bed the next morning and finding double stuffed oreos... I mean.... I won
Sure go ahead and start this 'business' with him...just don't come crying to me when you have to fake your own death in two years
Opened my notebook to coke all over the pages. So, if that's any indication on how this weekend went.
My mom just asked if I've gotten any girls pregnant how is your day going
We were in bed, and he looked at me and asked if I'd be weirded out if he took his leg off. BEST.SEX.EVER.
I guess the weekly d&d orgies are treating you well
Randomize
