Wow so rude I was trying to have an orgy later but whatever
I think having sex with you would be a great treat for us
you guys got to bein so kosher and go with the flow
all thats left of you is your magnum wrapper on my dresser
We've finally become those guys who you'd see in middle school when you went to the park who are just stoned out of their minds sitting on the swings.
how did we ever eat at restaurants where they DIDNT squirt-gun tequila in our mouths?
Damn you and your Monday night power hours.
She had another shot and asked if I wanted to taste her tongue ring. Then I helped her pee.
So as your former husband, I get to give you away at the wedding right?
I just yelled at my mom for getting me circumcised without my permission. That drunk
You said you couldn't look at me because you would have to take off your sunglasses but you can't because they're the "guides to your eyes".
Can you find me some 'I threw up in my hair last night' medicine?
I can feel your judgement through the phone
My roommate is fucking his gf in the shower and i really have to pee do i just bust in or pee on his bed
He offered to dress his dick up as Charlie Chaplin to cheer me up.
Keep him.
They had an Olympic theme party at her work yesterday. She brought home her fake gold medal and hung it on my cock after she rode me.
Fruitcakes are only good for throwing at neo Nazis.
Randomize
