look to my right... shes dancing like she's playing dance dance revolution and her character is a retarded, drunken moose
who loves string cheese????? I LOVE STRING CHEESE!!!
you know...if you didn't give such great head little things like this would ruin our friends with benefits relationship.
I'm paying a homeless guy $20 to follow me around bars tonight with a boombox playing the theme to Rocky.
I need someone to meet me at the end of the road and throw captain morgan at my face like they do with water at marathons
The less fucks you give, the more fucks you get. Kinda like "a penny saved is a penny earned" but with vagina.
Even though he had a fractured vertebrae, the sex was still phenomenal. Better than normal actually. I hope the vertabrae never heals.
Because her vagina is one of those illusive black holes that leads to a parallel universe where he is king and the sea is made of beer! That is why they are together!
It could be worse. I was dumped by a guy in a kilt after he gave my shoes away on St. Patrick's Day.
Would you like to get an apartment bong? It can be like our pet and we can give it a name.
Dude. I don't even want cuddles. I just want an acknowledgement that I just had balls in my mouth.
He came on my face and he was genuinely concerned about getting it in my hair. I'm marrying him.
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
Are we planning this because I am online looking for places with a Mechanical bull
You know it was a good dinner party when one of the guests broke their finger and no one can remember how it happened.
You poured all their beer into ziploc baggies so it would be "better on the go"
Randomize
