He just seriously used the word "skeet." Can we please find another way to get weed?
No. Take one for the team.
i woke up to the sound of my roommate climbing onto my desk mumbling that she was going to bed
Having a dry hump session to Alvin and the chipmunks surprisingly didn't kill the mood. He's that good.
I might be a bit. I accidently started hot boxing the bathroom. I'm just gonna go with it.
Drunk cheerio confetti may seem like a brilliant idea when your drunk, but believe me, the next day, its a horrible, horrible mess.
You know in a few years she's gonna look like her mom. So if you're gonna hit that you better do it while she still looks like somebody else.
Your first mistake was not throwing your beer at the RA and running
How exactly does one go about seducing an older, possibly blind gentleman?
If you buy me a steak I will make the extra effort to ride you. If not, I'm just gonna lay there.
It was inevitable. It was like I was a caterpillar and now I'm a drunk and high butterfly
Is it weird that I'm smoking a cig on my back patio in a sports bra and underwear?
I'm dancing with a sandwich I just made cause I'm so happy how delicious it tastes, that high haha
I'm stuck on a cliff. I'm not sure how I got here or how to get down. Please send help. And clothes.
I'm licking blood from my knuckles and I still haven't found my car keys..are you in town tonight?
Well, for starters, you were growling and slurping beer from a puddle on the carpet. Let's all hope that was beer...
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