haha i took a picture of myself naked on her camera
She didnt have a camera...
dear vagina, thank you for making it so goddamn hard to get pregnant. i love you.
And as you crawled into the bathroom last night you repeatedly said "I know the routine".
We had unprotected sex and she's eating life cereal for breakfast. The universe is telling me get the plan b for her
I was more concerned about the amount of mcdonalds fries on the floor around me than i was with my lack of clothes.
I'm fucked up. I can't drink anymore. We stole a cat.
Everything tastes like hotdogs and shame.
hurry up this bar wont let me order big pitchers of beer for just myself
Haha, maybe if he wasn't dressed up like Kimmy Gibler he could give her the D
You just accidentally called me. You kept saying "Really?! Really?!!" So I can only assume you are having sub par sex
Company meeting and there he was. Felt a little weird like 'last night you were telling me how your dick loves me, and now we're listening to a report on sales figures'.
it was a hallmark card with butt plugs.
We banged in his car behind the burrito place. Google Maps keeps asking me to rate my visit. 5/5, would cum again.
you know your booty call is really trying when he offers to pay the toll for the bridge you have to cross to get to his house
Girl behind me in line at CVS was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan B soon she might be a mom and that if we couldn't tell she'd be a horrible mom
Randomize
