How crunk are you?
I'm a Tom Selleck. Zero being Tipper Gore and max being the Bush twins
what made it akward was his girlfriends dog watching us have sex
Just stepped in shit. Not sure if its mine or the dog's. Get some of our friends on the way back from work and just have the intervention now. I will totally understand.
It's called 'beer pong' not 'everclear and coke pong' for a reason...
she got pretty angry when i tried to superglue her fingers together.
If people don't want my drunken phone call then TAKE YOUR FUCKING NUMER OFF OF FACEBOOK, like it's just that easy...
My arms are sore from holding up pukeahontas for so long
i was debating whether to load antoher bowl when i realized i was holding a sandwich in one hand and a cookie in the other. and laughing.
Let's just say that the best way to get a girls attention is not to slap her on the ass from the window of a moving cab.
if anyone knows where my shirt is please let me know and if you know why I don't have my own shirt please also let me know. also do any of you know why I'm missing a bra wire?
Well, she yelled at the stripper that she couldn't lick whipped cream off his nipples because she is lactose intolerant.
The ecstacy made me so dehydrated I started licking condensation off car windows
i still cant feel my toes or walk straight...its been 2 days.
It occurred to me today, whilst I was on the phone to boyfriend number 1, whilst in the car with boyfriend number 2 who was dropping me at the shops to meet boyfriend number 3 to help me buy a present for boyfriend number 4 that I should be having much more sex than I am.
You don't know happiness until you've got to smoke weed inside taco bell and then eat all you want for free
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