the police officer looked at my vomit and told me "milk was a bad choice"
Every time we go downtown I ask myself why we live in Des Moines
I cut you off after you tried to do a shot out of a neti pot, down your nose.
explains the nose bleeds.
I had no where to run... The dumpster sounded like a good idea at the time
No. If you are gonna end this, you are gonna do it right. Not by getting bombed and falling on a strange penis. That was the old you.
Accidentally peeing a little on the couch in the middle of a sneeze is way different from railing a random on our waffle counter. I am the better roommate.
yeah the cable guy is coming and everybody is hiding all the pieces in the house. we are up to thirty two. like a fun game of smokable scavener hunt.
Yaaaayyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyy! It has more than one y so my intentions to sleep with you after the drink special ends are clear
I mentioned your name at this party and some girl started crying.
That Kevin guy is something else...His penis is fucking glorious. And he has a way with words. If he lived here I'd be the conductor of the fuck caboose. I mean literally I would never want to get off that thing.
it was one of those unspoken contracts of silence like "I teach your daughter and you work at a strip club"...I don't tell if you don't
You mowed a straight line through three yards because you were, and I fucking quote, "In the zone." I think they know.
We stole a Christmas tree from the student center and then decorated it with everything we stole from parties... All I have to say is Feliz Navidad!
For the record you're a very classy lady and your love for and mastery of strap-ons is amazing. I would gladly marry you and father your offspring
For the love of god, if any of you are up, bring me pants.
Randomize
