she looks like luggage that fell from a plane
So stoned I forgot I was masturbating and went to go get a cookie.
i was just skypeing her and i saw the vagisil medicated wipes in the corner of her room. i'll be breaking this off tomorrow
I was gonna make fun of her but that plan kinda stopped once she put my dick in her mouth
He didn't speak any English, but I think I caught the word turtle in there somewhere.
Why would he say turtle mid-fuck?
I forgot not everyone drinks wine out of the bottle. My grandma just asked if i needed a glass with a disappointing look.
You should never talk to him again. Unless its you knocking on the door and punching his dick.
the only thing you and i have in common is the we like weed and looking at my naked body.
My catholic guilt is strong, but the alcohol is stronger.
my vagina hasn't met your boyfriend yet ... makes me sad
I'm scared to touch anything in this apartment. Even the ceiling.
sexting foreigners is the best. they respond with silly things like "love that tits"
i don't know how to react to you in a diaper crying and calling a football 'sadie'.
You spilt a drink on my couch, then used my dog to mop it up... you called her a mop dog, repeatedly
Long story short wrist restraints, Apple Watch and cumming all don’t mix
Randomize
