She is in my trunk
I just farted so loud that my cat got so scared he fell off the couch.
i think i'd rather have a trophy of a like jizz stained curtain or something
A friday night jus isn't the same if the cops don't raid my dorm
I can't believe i facilitated a beer for sweater vest deal last night...
Nothing quite like pre-gaming the Kentucky Derby with adderall and adderall. I'm fairly confident I could outrun all of these fucking horses in a foot race right now.
I am significantly less than sober now. Gonna make like, ten hotdogs.
I'm confused as to why I have a picture of your boobs in response to a photo of my father
He woke me up at 3 am, turned me on, then changed his mind. There is no way he is getting out of twilight now.
I can't be here...my therapist just watched me take tequila shots
Hey super random I have you in my phone as "downtown likes to go fishing girl" haha does that sound like you
woke up to find i out made out with his roommate before hooking up with him. breakfast was awkward to say the least
I have a story for you. It involves waffles and getting naked with the local weatherman.
Being severely attracted to someone you find is your cousin just made my list of top 10 worst feelings
I'm in the Sheetz parking lot waiting for dad to finish a drug deal.
Randomize
