Ninja stars and alcohol are a bad combo
Someone sharpied 'shit show' on my tits. Someone with excellent penmanship
I'm sorry I didn't make it out, I got distracted by sparkley boobies.
He asked if I wanted to "hang out"
A verb which here means "do lines off my dick"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
They asked if I was about to puke and my response was to laugh and suddenly throw up. Continuing my asshole streak I kept laughing while still vomiting.
Also I legit had a girl at my bar crying tonight saying to her friend "why did he have to take his top off ?"
Home safe. Took me everything not to stop and pick up some random cat that looked like an ocelot tho.
How dare you question the sanctity of Chocolate-and-Porn day
Dude just the look on his face when she sat down next to him, threw one leg over his, and just said "so..." was fucking amazing
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
body shots are frowned upon at family weddings. i'll keep that in mind next time. maybe.
mom had to come pick me up from the hotel. I crawled to her car. She told me the entire way home if I puked in it I was going to lick it up. Like high school all over again...
I think it's time to give up this life and become vikings. You in?
I will read books by day and do guys by night. A mental and physical enlightenment, if you will.
You have GOT to stop kicking in his kitchen door. Just wait for him to open it next time.
I didn’t want a minivan, but I have to admit it’s made it a lot easier to hook up with the dilfs at soccer tournaments
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