Fyi: he's overweight and balding. My biological clock is ticking so loud I can't hear the TV.
I just found a 1/2 inch of mimosa in my shoe.
You should get more absorbent shoes.
Just fucked my roommate on the first night of our 12 month lease. 2010 will be awkward.
there's a sign at taco bell and it says "bacon and ranch make everything better." it speaks to me.
Well someone named our apartment "the eiffel tower" on facebook check-in so I think they know..
Look, if he's not the brother with three nipples, I'm just not interested.
Oh I woke up in my neighbors garage using one of their sleeping bags, as my neighbor was doing laundry in there.
so I'm staring at this cat and wondering..is the tail of the cat the derivative of it's head?
stop getting stoned after studying for a calc final.
I feel like emojis are just meant for explaining sex without using words to make anyone uncomfortable. It's a true gift
He got an erection from helping me mobilize my lumbar spine. I love physical therapy school.
I wanna die. I can't recall the last time I was happy that doesn't involve your hand touching my butt.
Just witnessed some guy throw his fake eye at his dad's face. Actually, he whipped it at him.
She gave me a job then fed me cheesecake in bed. She's a keeper!
My dick has been in way too much crazy the past 2+weeks, but hey it feels good to fuck consistently again
It's next to that place that has cock fighting.
Randomize
