Wanna demo a makeout? Check box yes or no. Or maybe. Okay bye.
she lunged for my junk like it was the cure for swine flu
When you accidentally type "I want Prince William to fuck me in the ass" to your mom there's really no way to take that back.
What shirt can I wear out that says 'I may have a broken arm, but it's not the one I give handjobs with'?
We would have taken you home with us, but you were outside the bar measuring a randoms stream of piss by walking along side it... you said you were only at 32 feet and it still had a couple of grooves to hit.
im starting to recognize places in this city by where i have drunkenly peed in public
Technically my penis started a fight tonight
It's still to early in our relationship to tell her I was sleeping in my car
I think I want to impress his gay best friend more than him..
you are dancing on the line between undergrad and alcoholic.
Can we go to the gas station to get cigarettes before we get drunk. It's hard enough to say Marlboro sober.
Truth be told it's significantly easier to get over someone when they file a police report on you
I walked in..crop dusted the whole place then asked her if she wanted to go to a place that smells better.
You were always a thinker
So, random question. How much should you tip a Lyft driver when you realized you've fucked his sister? Asking for a friend.
Change of plans & whoring it up tonight
Randomize
