do you think he would believe thats it not really my period, and that i ate a lot of licorice?
his dog just threw up on me too. its like im a throwup magnet to that family.
Even when three police cars surrounded us you kept telling us not to worry because 'only good things can happen'.
No more tipping the bathroom attendant with your phone.
I got kicked out of the bar but no one cared, I dont have any money so i stayed outside with the bouncer for an hour and he got so sick of me he let me back in on the condition that i cant leave my seat. VISIT ME
Sweet and genuine is kinda lame. I'm more of a bust all over your face and hair kinda guy.
Uhm the hair is off limits bro, conditioner can only go so far.
Bro? You just made it a target.
I have a completly random but serious question. Can I make a paper mache mold of you ass and turn it into a pinata filled with airplane bottles of liquor? Its for my art class
I have officially tracked lube all over our house on the bottom of my socks without knowing it. Don't slip when you come in
i mean, not my actual scene but if someone says "PARTY" ill figure it out
Oh my fucking god how fucking embarrassing never again will I mix drugs at a family barbecue
Bitch guess who just got a fucking taser
I feel like every young boy's first wet dream is too have sex with the Pink Ranger. I am now fulfilling that dream for one man. I am a hero.
I forgot my backup drink is supposed to be pedialyte and vodka. Add in the shit I'm losing as I drink. Win-Win right?
that almost beats the chick I saw smoking a joint while uni-cycling past my house at 4am. Almost.
about cumming, not toast