Texts From Last Night

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  (705): View more from Ontario

  he told me i looked like an animal then proceeded to kiss me

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  (705): he told me i looked like an animal then proceeded to kiss me http://tfl.nu/ycl5
  Replies (2) Good night (737) Bad night (1579)
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  (703): View more from Virginia

  how do you have sooo much energy?

  (571): View more from Virginia

  billy mays threw in a lil somethin extra when i ordered some oxiclean last week

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  (703): how do you have sooo much energy? (571): billy mays threw in a lil somethin extra when i ordered some oxiclean last week http://tfl.nu/czgq
  Replies (16) Good night (4453) Bad night (720)
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  (517): View more from Michigan

  Looks like I will be paying for the roofie I slipped myself in 9 months.

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  (517): Looks like I will be paying for the roofie I slipped myself in 9 months. http://tfl.nu/qynd
  Replies (39) Good night (636) Bad night (9514)
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  (310): View more from California

  I feel like a combination of david goes to the dentist and drunkest guy ever goes for more beer

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  (310): I feel like a combination of david goes to the dentist and drunkest guy ever goes for more beer http://tfl.nu/kzvv
  Replies (8) Good night (4451) Bad night (677)
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  (856): View more from New Jersey

  I've already come up with two plans that will probably end with me getting kicked out of here. You guys should come faster.

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  (856): I've already come up with two plans that will probably end with me getting kicked out of here. You guys should come faster. http://tfl.nu/w6xc
  Replies (4) Good night (3253) Bad night (810)
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  (915): View more from Texas

  I just got a whiff of tequila through the air conditioner.

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  (915): I just got a whiff of tequila through the air conditioner. http://tfl.nu/j2to
  Replies (5) Good night (3179) Bad night (942)
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  (503): View more from Oregon

  I've got to stop making out with the guys and sharing drinks with you. I'm the reason we all get sick at the same time. Sorry.

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  (503): I've got to stop making out with the guys and sharing drinks with you. I'm the reason we all get sick at the same time. Sorry. http://tfl.nu/wdtm
  Replies (5) Good night (944) Bad night (2337)
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  (662): View more from Mississippi

  they're both coked to the gills having a shouting match about the powers and abilities of godzilla. and using the wikipedia entry on the topic to support their respective arguments.

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  (662): they're both coked to the gills having a shouting match about the powers and abilities of godzilla. and using the wikipedia entry on the topic to support their respective arguments. http://tfl.nu/u5vp
  Replies (10) Good night (2619) Bad night (1141)
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  (803): View more from South Carolina

  There's cake. And donuts. And strippers. It's like 5 year old me and 20 year old me are throwing a party together...

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  (803): There's cake. And donuts. And strippers. It's like 5 year old me and 20 year old me are throwing a party together... http://tfl.nu/sic1
  Replies (13) Good night (5034) Bad night (1049)
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  (506): View more from New Brunswick

  oh my god. separately texting an Allie and an Ally while drunk is hard, and I'm climbed 1/2 way up a bridge pier.

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  (506): oh my god. separately texting an Allie and an Ally while drunk is hard, and I'm climbed 1/2 way up a bridge pier. http://tfl.nu/v0so
  Replies (2) Good night (2062) Bad night (1060)
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  (201): View more from New Jersey

  It was pathetic and I was covered in butter

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  (201): It was pathetic and I was covered in butter http://tfl.nu/w2vb
  Replies (5) Good night (1389) Bad night (830)
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  (724): View more from Pennsylvania

  Smuggling a beer bottle full of vodka out of the bar with a tampon as a plug for the top of the bottle wasn't one of my classiest ideas... but your hangover proves it was resourceful and effective. Your welcome.

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  (724): Smuggling a beer bottle full of vodka out of the bar with a tampon as a plug for the top of the bottle wasn't one of my classiest ideas... but your hangover proves it was resourceful and effective. Your welcome. http://tfl.nu/u2pl
  Replies (5) Good night (1553) Bad night (581)
• Favorite

  (898): View more from

  Well, I watched a girl proposition a shit ton of people, try to take a cocktail waitresses job and then proceed to walk into a wall. Damn, I'm a little jealous.

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  (898): Well, I watched a girl proposition a shit ton of people, try to take a cocktail waitresses job and then proceed to walk into a wall. Damn, I'm a little jealous. http://tfl.nu/8yxh
  Replies (2) Good night (618) Bad night (292)
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  (716): View more from New York

  It wasn't a basement apartment, it's his parents basement. And he wanted to show me his pet tarantula collection. I NOPED THE FUCK OUT!

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  (716): It wasn't a basement apartment, it's his parents basement. And he wanted to show me his pet tarantula collection. I NOPED THE FUCK OUT! http://tfl.nu/5pm7
  Replies (1) Good night (449) Bad night (910)
• Favorite

  (850): View more from Florida

  I can't remember dinner

  (1-850): View more from Florida

  Hahaha "rub in the ketchup on your face, It'll just look like blush." some gay waiter said that to you, and you go "good idea!"

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  (850): I can't remember dinner (1-850): Hahaha "rub in the ketchup on your face, It'll just look like blush." some gay waiter said that to you, and you go "good idea!" http://tfl.nu/mx63
  Replies (1) Good night (628) Bad night (251)

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