as soon as you compare a person to an animal, all sexual interest is out the window
benefit of terrorism--they won't let you buy random one way plane tickets to random parts of the country for no reason nonmatter how high you are.
i am high, trapped with a bunch of skaters and asians watching a cat on lsd on youtube, the girl on the couch next to me is getting fingered, and there is lady gaga playing. god has forgetten about me
She swallowed my jizz and then took a shot of jack daniels and said "chaser." This cant be real life.
while cleaning my room, i've found many wonderful things. one of these is the card you gave me for my eighteenth birthday. it's a christmas card that says "i want to stick it in your sponger"
What's the point of having 3 fuck buddies when their periods all seem to sync up
He asked me why my bellybutton was so ugly... and wondered why i wasnt in the mood anymore.
you have no idea how wierd it is to get nudes while talking to grandma
True. I'd rather snort cocaine off a homeless guy then work on the weekend...Actually that may not be that bad.
Dude, this is like the 4th time today I've had to use cruise control for a 25mph zone. This hangover is never fucking gonna end.
A guy at one of our big accounts just said you probably dont remember meeting me saturday night ps you were right about those two girls being lesbian
I found a half composed text to you this morning and all it said was HELP M. Is that how I ended up at the bottom of the stairwell in only a tee-shirt and one heel?
considering I never received the text I would go with 'yes'.
If I could drink as much and have the amount of sex he has at his age, well I'd probably be dead
Its really hard to get off when the googly eyes on your vibrator stare into your soul..
I'm like bob the builder except I'm fixing boners.