Texts From Last Night

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  (508): View more from Massachusetts

  For the record dan just proved he knows the first and last names of ALL the members of NSync. Jury is no longer out on his sexuality.

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  (508): For the record dan just proved he knows the first and last names of ALL the members of NSync. Jury is no longer out on his sexuality. http://tfl.nu/clti
  Replies (6) Good night (1489) Bad night (774)
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  (914): View more from New York

  when my dick couldnt get hard she said "fly on little wing"

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  (914): when my dick couldnt get hard she said "fly on little wing" http://tfl.nu/damz
  Replies (27) Good night (841) Bad night (3982)
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  (862): View more from New Jersey

  Farted during a conference call.SBD. permeated the room people were gonna puke.noone could say anything or leave cus we were on the phone with clients. coworkers were outraged.how I still have a job is beyond me.

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  (862): Farted during a conference call.SBD. permeated the room people were gonna puke.noone could say anything or leave cus we were on the phone with clients. coworkers were outraged.how I still have a job is beyond me. http://tfl.nu/hfa7
  Replies (40) Good night (2268) Bad night (3215)
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  (803): View more from South Carolina

  Now would be a good time to set your alarm to pick me up from jail in the morning.

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  (803): Now would be a good time to set your alarm to pick me up from jail in the morning. http://tfl.nu/55ug
  Replies (12) Good night (4583) Bad night (1104)
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  (412): View more from Pennsylvania

  im contemplating emailing my dad and telling him how worthless i am and how sorry i am that he pays for my life...aka my bar tabs.

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  (412): im contemplating emailing my dad and telling him how worthless i am and how sorry i am that he pays for my life...aka my bar tabs. http://tfl.nu/u0xf
  Replies (10) Good night (940) Bad night (4463)
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  (416): View more from Toronto

  the bank didn't screw up, i spent 150$ at mcdonalds last night

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  (416): the bank didn't screw up, i spent 150$ at mcdonalds last night http://tfl.nu/0qnk
  Replies (77) Good night (7967) Bad night (4611)
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  (610): View more from Pennsylvania

  He said he got laid, but you and i both know he was too high to leave his house.

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  (610): He said he got laid, but you and i both know he was too high to leave his house. http://tfl.nu/tthj
  Replies (3) Good night (1938) Bad night (874)
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  (+61): View more from Australia

  How do people deal with hangovers? I literally want to eat my own face.

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  (+61): How do people deal with hangovers? I literally want to eat my own face. http://tfl.nu/d4p2
  Replies (8) Good night (847) Bad night (1501)
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  (714): View more from California

  the repo guy said it was the first time he'd ever started to repo a car with someone fucking inside of it. he might have said 'doing it' instead.

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  (714): the repo guy said it was the first time he'd ever started to repo a car with someone fucking inside of it. he might have said 'doing it' instead. http://tfl.nu/2k13
  Replies (7) Good night (2004) Bad night (692)
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  (410): View more from Maryland

  Shoot me. I need tickles, a drink, sushi and a handy

  (410): View more from Maryland

  Order is debatable

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  (410): Shoot me. I need tickles, a drink, sushi and a handy (410): Order is debatable http://tfl.nu/gozm
  Replies (6) Good night (1482) Bad night (686)
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  (250): View more from British Columbia

  You should not be allowed to go away on the weekends I plan on getting drunk on. I need someone to stop me from punching this guy in the face. It's simple room mate etiquette.

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  (250): You should not be allowed to go away on the weekends I plan on getting drunk on. I need someone to stop me from punching this guy in the face. It's simple room mate etiquette. http://tfl.nu/i44j
  Replies (1) Good night (795) Bad night (379)
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  (404): View more from Georgia

  Good morning sunshine. Care to hear the riveting tale of Michelle and the Almost Great Night That Ended In An Early Morning of Karma Emptying It's Bowels On Her Guilty Shoulders?

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  (404): Good morning sunshine. Care to hear the riveting tale of Michelle and the Almost Great Night That Ended In An Early Morning of Karma Emptying It's Bowels On Her Guilty Shoulders? http://tfl.nu/hbxh
  Replies (2) Good night (447) Bad night (1255)
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  (650): View more from California

  You were fine, but your knee injury definitely came from interpretive dancing like a gay fairy with lead wings all around the Mission St BART. Everyone thought you were on drugs.

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  (650): You were fine, but your knee injury definitely came from interpretive dancing like a gay fairy with lead wings all around the Mission St BART. Everyone thought you were on drugs. http://tfl.nu/uro3
  Replies (1) Good night (578) Bad night (331)
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  (330): View more from Ohio

  I'm playing drinking games with a boy who looks like Liam Hemsworth. I think I'm fine.

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  (330): I'm playing drinking games with a boy who looks like Liam Hemsworth. I think I'm fine. http://tfl.nu/asdt
  Replies (0) Good night (1033) Bad night (299)
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  (207): View more from Maine

  "She's seriously grinding on him while whispering into his ear, 'take me to McDonald's.'"

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  (207): "She's seriously grinding on him while whispering into his ear, 'take me to McDonald's.'" http://tfl.nu/bvrp
  Replies (2) Good night (571) Bad night (337)

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