his penis was crooked so i rode him at an angle. he seemed used to this.
Just saw a motorized bathtub. I think this college thing is gonna work out.
Just remembered getting lost in a "shortcut" through yards and GPSing my way home last night
You bit the bartender when he refused to poor rum in your purse and hand you a straw.
Here’s Everything Coming To Netflix This July
the whole "pretend to be sober/pull it together for my family" thing really blew up in my face when i threw up into my pillowcase.
Yeah I said my new jacket was waterproof, not puke through your nose proof.
Definitely need to find a less healthy bootycalls. All this bitch got in her fridge is feta, English muffins and wheat grass. What the fuck can I make with that???
Found 2 Coors, problem solved.
there's a strong possibility i came on your eyeliner last night bathroom sex was unplanned and rather messy sorry
Dave, I love you but you're barking up the wrong lesbian. You sir are the competition. You don't threesome with competition.
19 Of The Creepiest (Most Inexplicable) Things People Experienced
eating jello out of the cup. with my face. while on the toilet. i am at my lowest.
I was so gone I thought the cops banging on my door were kids from the party trying to get into my room... needless to say, I started moaning louder so they would take the hint.
you just have the mind of an innocent, non-tainted child.
YOU KNOW THAT'S BULLSHIT BECAUSE YOU'RE THE REASON IT'S BULLSHIT
WHY DON'T YOU WANT TO BE MY ESKIMO BRO
if I dont text you back in 10min assume i am in fact still dizzy and injured myself in the shower. and call an ambulance. thanx.