So the last day on the vacation I woke up in the bath tub. My mom said she asked me during the night what I was doing and I said, "swimming."
Henry's handball, Tiger Wood's Car Crash, Roger Federer losing ... That's it....I'm throwing my Gillete away
i dont even feel safe using a push mower...that hungover
Just so you know, I'm standing in my bra eating cereal. My keys were in the cereal box.
I'm not embarrassed about the lap dance. I'm embarrassed for the singing during.
friends don't put videos of other friends on youtube puking on their professor on the first day
I may have made out with a tranny last night, which, if I don't get fired for everything else that happened, really makes last night epic.
I just dropped $300 on lingerie. He better rip this off with his teeth.
I'm not really sure if I peed the bed last night or if the cat was trying to get back at me for using her litter box last weekend
I imagine my service panda will provide sufficient protection. At the very least it will be an irresistible cuddly distraction while I make good my escape.
Let's get drunk and put things on the grill that have no right to be there.
Happy birthday, America.
That would be a mascot riding an ATV at a semi-professional hockey game, if that doesn't sum up how I've been I don't know what could
My passport was stamped in Canada two weeks ago. One step closer to uncovering wtf happened that night
she walked up to me at the bar, kissed me, andthen declared "I HAVEN'T SEEN YOU OR YOUR PENIS SINCE 2011."
tell raye i said hi and sorry for bleeding on the limes
Randomize
