I haven't gotten laid in forever. I'm obsessed. I imagine I this is how Ethopians feel about food.
Let's roleplay tonight. I'll be drunken diva and you be sexy sober.
IF that's your way of making me dd then count me out.
Just passed on a threesome. I'm too old for that kind of morning after.
guy at the corner shop gets out a bottle of tequilla and a pack of malboro light whenever he sees me through the door. makes me feel loved and cared for
Just gave my manager part of my viccodin stash-my job is basically secured forever.
i think if i got caught drinking at work i could get away with it if i started crying and saying my cat just died. as long as i'm confident.
Seius question. Does a penis floar when ina baht? Must find out.
Whoevers house this is has only beer and cream cheese in the fridge. Thats the diet im gonna go on
Also, that dude projectile vomiting all over the living room was the perfect distraction for me to swipe the booze and run.
sleeping in bed with your booty calls married sister...you're the stuff heroes are made of.
Youre not supposed to get arrested if your parents fly you home for christmas!
True but this has the bonus of them maybe not wanting to fly me home next year, im good with that didnt wanna go in the first place.
Remind me to tell you how I've been deaf since Sunday at 1245
We just stood outside and debated the existence of mermaids for about 20 min. Is this what too drunk is?
i wish i could put you in a lil box, and keep you for when i need to be blown
we had to take 10 shots sometime before midnight, then 11 shots between midnight and 1. so yes its gonna be a rough day.
Randomize
