Dude that chick had her name tattooed in Japanese characters between her b-cups. I kept calling her Toyota.
you were convinced that if all her tampons were gone her period would stop, so you started eating them.
It had been so long since my last time that it was easily a double helping of stomach pancakes. I think she was mildly impressed.
Just so you know.. I just graduated college with your name still written on my chest
If that doesn't scream bromance I dont know what does
she made me put on a condom before giving me a handjob...this is why i hate freshmen
then he tried to tell me how many times he had seen Scott's dick. his estimate was about 180 times. he thought I didn't understand.
My arms are still sore. Apparently, lube wrestling is the best workout ever.
We're both great liars, in committed relationships, and horny. Its the perfect storm of cheating
Just so you know my hand is still healing from where you drunkenly clawed me last Saturday
Fuck romance. Just shaved my nipples in the shower because I felt like it. That's the life I'm about.
If muffins & morning blowjobs don't make him happy, frankly, I don't think anything will.
Blizzard, Hour 9: I'm 7 beers deep and have finished Ninja Turtles. I am listening to the NYPD and Nassau Fire Dept pipes and drums and writing new drum scores in my head, which I may or may not remember tomorrow
Walked into the bathroom and saw a Minion eating out Harley Quinn so this Halloween will be hard to top.
I smell like Dick and happiness
He showed up to my apt at 6am wearing a suit and holding a bag of coke....how could I not let him in?
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