I'm drinking on the job... HEAVILY
How do you know one of your one night stands hasn't produced a child? You may have hundreds of kids.
Pretty sure I don't. One night stands are purely anal..no exceptions.
good. and stop kissing my girl you dirty slut.
i don't think she's still your girl..plus, she kept screaming "kiss me! i'm a lesbian!" last night so i think you're outta luck..
They threw a beer at you on stage and then you stopped the karaoke and cussed everyone in the bar out for 2 minutes
I bought a Christmas tree in my drunken state last night, after walking a half mile in search of vino and prior to my apparently playing boardgames with my boyfriend's family. There is no way you are on my level.
i woke up in the lobby of Holiday Inn on a chair sitting up straight
Her vagina is like Vegas. high traffic and full of glitter.
I don't want to talk. I just want to motorboat those tits
You chanted SOFA PIZZA all night then we woke up to find about ten slices under the cushions where you were sleeping....
Travis is back on this booty and burgers thing. If I'm his delivery service for food he better fuck me how I want.
it's like my freshman wet dream come true
We ended up debating which Food Network host would do best in porn.
What happened after I vommed in your shirt that I was wearing and threw it out the window on the highway?
We accept all of your sexual lovers, Jewish, episcopalian, atheist. Dick is dick
I found out he hated a girl that I hate so I fucked him. My reasons for fucking guys are getting bad.
Randomize
